A relationship should be give, take, support and be supported

If your partner is trying to tilt the scale by constantly listing all the things they’ve done for you, beware.

Narcissistic behaviors are very damaging and the cause can be difficult to get to without help. If you’re feeling devalued and unappreciated in your relationship it may be time to consider professional counseling. If that’s not a possibility it may be time to consider making some other change.

A friend came to counseling last week (texted me and we met for the discussion) because he didn’t know what else to do. He never been to counseling before, so even going to counseling, he was desperate.

His wife had told him the week before that she wants to separate. Then she left for a week he was stunned. He was alone and lost. A partner separating can and should be a big wake-up call.

She’s threatened to leave before, he says, but this time he thinks she really means it. He is probably right because when a partner gets to the point of deciding to separate it’s usually only after a lot deliberation.

Like a lot of guys, a friend has been putting off for years his wife’s requests to go to marriage counseling. In his mind things were never that bad. Besides, with a business to run and a family with no kids, who’s got time for counseling he asks.

He’s making time now though. He says he had no idea she was this unhappy or that their relationship was on the edge.

Here is what I think the guy should do, am also not an expert, trying to be nice.

Dude you need to learn to manage your short temper and anger. You know she wants more help from him at home.

One of the most common complaints of partners, she wants him to communicate more with her although he doesn’t really know what exactly that means or is supposed to look like.

“She feels that I yell at her a lot.” he’s not sure if that’s true, but he did say he knows he gets defensive, mad and wants to change that.

So what can he do? He wants to save his marriage. But is it too late?

His wife left, fortunately, it takes time to end a marriage. Even though a separation can look like it’s over, it actually gives you some time to show her things can be different.

Is there anything he can do fix his marriage/Relationship? Yes!

Give her space, when a lot of guys finally wake up and hear their wives they turn into a super charged Mr. Fix it and are all over saving their marriage. Unfortunately, most of their wives by this time have given up. You need to hold back on pressuring her. She needs a little space first.

Start changing yourself, it’s really easy to focus on what we see wrong with our partner, but the most effective approach is to look in the mirror and identify what we can change about ourselves.

When partners want to separate we almost always have some ideas of why and what needs to change.

Go to counseling, the biggest statement men can make to their wives about what she and the marriage means to them is to go to counseling. Not just once, but again and again.

And on top of that to take the things they learn in counseling and put them to work to change themselves. When most wives see a commitment to counseling and a willingness to change, they’re willing to try again too.

If you’re in my friends shoes and your wife wants to separate, give these three suggestions a try.

If she hasn’t left yet, but she’s been asking you to go to marriage counseling, save yourself and go before it’s too late.

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Frank Byaruhanga is a human rights activist with years of experience in community dialogues, digital communication, advocacy and digital campaigns. He specializes in Media Relation Work, Management and Training with sufficient knowledge in Governance, Accountability, Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights, Youth-led research, Content developer, Creative Activism, Social Media Management and documentary photography.

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